Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea
by RuinNine
Summary: "We all have our secrets." Brandt had his fair share of experience with secrets, but what happens when Benji crosses the thin line between secret and lie? Benji/Will.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: _This story is dedicated to PeggsterLover, the Beta Wizard of Oz, who wished for another Benji/Will story and cheered me on with her constant, yet polite asking for updates. Thank you very much, dear! Also huge thanks to you and GimlisBeard for the beta. You guys rock! :)

I apologize in advance for any medical facts I might have gotten wrong. Please tell me if that's the case.

_Disclaimer: _No copyright, no money, just pure fun!

— † —

Patience. It's a rare virtue these days. Mouse-clicks dictate the rhythm of life, while every little thing is measured in the minutes and days a task is allowed to take, and not in the quality of its goal. Humankind isn't used to waiting any more, and no less to the gnawing feeling of _not knowing_. Now, if a human being is forced to wait despite the precautions he has been rehearsing day by day, the minutes blur together into one agonizing, slow mess of time, spent in anguish and regret. It's the regret not to have chosen a different way to solve the matter at hand. Even if that means doing it himself.

Will paused for a moment, hovering in the middle of his living room which he had been pacing for the last two hours. He shook his head at himself. _Enough with the philosophy tutorial! _Sighing deeply, he rubbed his hands down his face before wandering over to his couch. It was driving him insane, this helpless feeling of _not knowing_. He checked his watch for the tenth time in the last five minutes and tried to shake off the uneasy feeling that was settling in his stomach; telling him that something was wrong.

It had been two hours since Benji's appointment with his doctor took place – two hours since Will started pacing. Granted, being members of the IMF and of Ethan Hunt's team no less, both agents were used to sitting in waiting rooms and doctor's offices alike, but most of the time they knew what they were dealing with, be it a twisted knee or a bullet wound. This time, however, they just didn't know what the actual problem was. Benji hadn't caught even the tiniest cold since Will had met him on that train over a year back and when the technician had begun feeling constantly tired and lethargic almost four weeks ago, it had worried the hell out of the analyst.

Benji had waved off his concern with a shrug and a laugh and Will had let him be. The technician was old enough to decide whether or not he felt sick enough to consult a doctor. Still, when he had lost weight at a rapid pace without changing his eating habits, he had finally surrendered to an alarmed Will in mother-hen mode and got an appointment after all. An appointment where he would go _alone_. With a frown, the analyst remembered his exact words: 'I won't be able to relax when you're sitting there, breathing down my neck. I'll call you when it's over.'

Will checked his phone, although he knew it hadn't made a sound since he had been left to his thoughts and his worry. _It can't take that long, can it?_ He wondered if he should try to call Benji himself, but decided against it. A sick Benji who, in addition, was annoyed beyond imagination was a combination he certainly didn't want to create. He valued their relationship after all. What they had was still too new, still too fragile and he didn't want to mess it up.

Letting himself fall back into the cushions, he considered trying to take a nap, but the sound of his phone _finally _ringing snapped him back to reality. He leaned forward and, after taking a deep breath, raised the phone to his ear, his hands shaking with anticipation.

"Benji!" Will winced. He hadn't meant to nearly shout his name.

The trademark laugh he had longed for reached his ears. "Calm down! Yes, it's me! Who else?" Benji's voice sounded tired, but that was nothing new, considering the condition he had been in for the last month. Will decided not to let it distract him from what he needed to know.

"No games, Benji! What did he say?"

There was a short silence on the other end. Then a shaky sigh. "He did lots of tests – which is why it took so long – but then he said that I was only over-worked and needed a few weeks to recharge my batteries. I already told the Secretary and he agreed to two weeks off for me."

Will felt himself melt back into the couch, relief flooding his veins. "So it's nothing serious?"

"Hell, no! Told you!" Benji clicked his tongue. "Guess that means you'll have to do a mission or two without me." The disappointment in his tone was tangible.

Will knew he should be able to relax now, to believe that what Benji told him was true, but the uneasy feeling of worry in his stomach remained. Something in the technician's voice told him that there was more to the examination results than he had let on about.

"Will?" Benji's voice shook him out of his reverie. "I'll head straight to bed, okay? See you tomorrow."

The click that signalled the end of the call sounded almost instantly, effectively cutting off any reply Will might have come up with. He pulled the phone away from his ear, staring at the dark screen as if the solution to his mysterious gut feeling might appear there. Something wasn't right, he just knew it.

— † —

Will didn't get to see Benji the following day, or the day after, or the two weeks following. The missions he was sent on with Ethan and Jane were easy enough, compared with what they were usually assigned. He had the sneaking suspicion that the IMF exclusively set them on missions where there was no need for a technician – as if they would not be able to work with anyone with lesser skills than Benji. It was a weird thought and somehow, it made him angry. That anger was only fuelled by the few phone calls he was able to have with their missing team member.

Benji still sounded tired and weary, but he resolutely refused to talk about his condition. Will's worry had increased to the point where Ethan had taken him aside after their last mission and ordered him to keep a clear head until Benji was joining them in the field again. It was a ridiculous situation. Will knew he should be able to trust his boyfriend and his judgement – if he said he was fine, he _was_ fine. Still, he couldn't suppress the unsettled feeling in his stomach whenever he heard Benji's voice over the phone. He desperately needed to see for himself before he could lay the doubts to rest. Will violently shook his head. _Focus! Just a few more days and you'll see him again. No need to endanger the rest of your team with your gratuitous worry!_

And so he buried the feelings of suspicion and doubt in the back of his mind, but that didn't mean he would be defeated so easily next time he faced Benji's famous stubbornness.

— † —

Unfortunately, Will felt his resolve crumble like a house of cards as soon as Benji opened the door to the passenger's seat of his car and he was greeted with the grin he knew by heart. The technician looked rested and content, and the haunted look in his eyes was gone. In fact, he gave the impression of a healthy and confident agent, eager to get back in the field.

"So, you want to stare me down or can I get in?" Benji laughed. "It's really me, in case you're wondering."

Will felt a relieved laugh tear its way through the lump of worry in his throat that had been sitting there for the last three weeks. So he threw his head back and laughed the first carefree laugh in he didn't know how long. When he had finally settled down to a wide grin, he motioned for his boyfriend to get in. The technician didn't even have the time to close the door properly, before Will grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into a hug.

"I've missed you." Taking a deep breath, he fought the urge to just hold onto Benji and never let go again. He felt the technician relax into his embrace and pressed a kiss to his neck before pulling back just enough to capture his lips in a gentle kiss. Benji hummed his approval and Will felt him grin against his lips. That provoked a grin of his own and soon enough, they were laughing uncontrollably, both of them relishing the presence of their other half.

Their foreheads came to rest against each other and for a minute or two, they just sat there, breathing the same air. Benji pulled back first, gently easing out of the embrace until he could look Will in the eye. He was smiling, but his face was serious and his usually vibrant eyes held an emotion the analyst couldn't translate. And in an instant, all the forgotten anxiety came tumbling back.

"I've missed you, too." Benji admitted, his voice quiet, but unwavering. "I would like to-"

Will found himself unable to let him finish what he dreaded most. "This isn't about breaking up, is it?"

That outburst startled a nervous laugh out of the technician. "Hell, no!" He scooted back in his seat in order to grant the analyst the full effect of his disbelieving stare. "Why would you-"

"Never mind!" Will scratched the back of his neck, embarrassed to the bones. "Forget it! What were you about to say?" He watched Benji take a deep breath, but whatever he prepared to say was cut short by the insistent beeping of his phone.

The analyst cursed mentally and answered the phone with a little more edge in his voice than necessary. "Yes?"

Benji sunk back into his seat, clearly unhappy with the sudden interruption. He listened to the one-sided conversation that consisted of a few grumbled "Yes" and "Yeah". Shaking his head, he couldn't help but smile at the gruff behaviour of his lover. Whoever was at the other end obviously had neither good timing nor good news.

Will pulled the phone away from his ear and threw it over his shoulder onto the back seat. He turned to Benji with an apologetic smile while starting the car. _Damn it! _He could see it in the technician's face that the moment was over – he wouldn't tell him what he had wanted to say even if he asked. So he didn't.

"That was Ethan. He's at the garage, because his car wouldn't start and he has to wait for a rental car." He sighed and barely refrained from the childish action of leaning his head against the wheel. "We are supposed to pick up Jane and then drive ahead to the safehouse."

"Okay." Benji's voice was barely audible.

Will took a moment to calm down the storm of emotions that raged in his head, before pulling away from the curb into the never ending traffic. _Damn you, Ethan!_

— † —

_Damn! Damn! Damn! _Will kept repeating that one word over and over again while he drove the car to the safehouse. He couldn't believe that he had fallen for the first impression – a mistake every agent learned the hard way not to make – just because his relief to see Benji in a healthy condition had overpowered his trained senses. Ethan would have his head on a silver platter if he knew. Their team leader approved of their relationship – as long as it neither clouded their judgement nor endangered the team. And at the moment, he was on the path to accomplish both deeds if he didn't force his haywire emotions under control.

He had listened with only one ear to Jane and Benji chatting and found himself wondering if he had been worrying for no reason whatsoever. What if Benji had been trying to ask him to finally meet his parents? Will nearly scoffed out loud at himself. _Yeah, right! _No, he wouldn't have made it to the position of Chief Analyst with a poor ability to judge. There was something that didn't fit into the puzzle. He just wasn't the type to act amiss. What Benji had been trying to tell him was far more serious than that. And far more dangerous.

"Will?" A warm hand on his shoulder. "Will!"

He shook himself out of his thoughts and risked a short glance towards the passenger's seat. Some lingering emotion he had felt during that depressing chain of thought must have shown in his eyes, for he watched Benji's face morph from a grin into a frown. Will shook his head and forced his eyes back onto the road.

"It's nothing. What did you say?" The frown remained, but Benji wasn't able to voice the question that shone in his eyes, for Jane – oblivious to the awkward tension between the two agents – decided to take over the conversation from the back seat.

"Benji and I discussed the codenames for the mission. We came up with the names of the thieves in 'Reservoir Dogs'." Will could see her grin in the rear-view mirror. "What do you think?"

_I think that's a bloody bad omen! _"Yeah, sure. Who am I going to be?"

"You are Mr. Blue."

He couldn't suppress a noise of protest. "But I'm dying right at the beginning!"

Jane laughed at the mock indignation on his face. "Don't be a poor sport now!"

"Poor sport?"

As he bickered back and forth with Jane, Will couldn't help but notice that Benji didn't say a word throughout the whole discussion. The technician was watching the landscape fly by instead, all the while drumming his fingers on the armrest. And in that moment, the analyst knew for sure that this was neither the Benji they were used to nor the Benji he had fallen head over heels in love with. This side of his personality was entirely new and he was determined, by the use of his skills as an IMF agent, to solve the riddle that Benjamin Dunn had turned into.

— † —

Thank you very much for reading! Thoughts? Protests? I don't bite. ;)


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: _Thank you very much for the favs and alerts! And a special thanks to EzriMallory. :)

— † —

Will didn't get to use his analysing skills just yet. As soon as they had arrived at the safehouse and went in to set up camp, Benji entrenched himself in a heap of screens, cables and all sorts of equipment the analyst wouldn't be able to categorize even if his life depended on it. He knew better than to interrupt the working pace that the technician had set, for he had made that mistake only once, at the very beginning of their relationship, and he didn't plan on doing it again. Despite his cheerful and gentle nature, Benji didn't take kindly to anyone who kept him from working. _Time to take advantage of female intuition._

"Jane? Can I talk to you for a moment?"

She looked up from the gun she was cleaning and smiled at him. "Of course." Was it just him or did her voice already hold a knowing undertone? _Women are eerie. _ He smiled back despite the feeling of being caught that had settled in his stomach.

She patted the empty space on the couch next to her. "Is it about Benji?"

Will let himself fall into the cushions with an undignified noise that expressed all the pent-up frustration he felt. He raised his hands to rub his tired eyes. "Yes. How did you know?"

Jane shot him an amused glare. "I don't have to be able to read minds to see that there's something between you two that you don't talk about."

"Is it that obvious?," he groaned, hiding his face behind his hands.

She gently touched his wrist to coax him to look at her. Waiting patiently for him to meet her eyes, she offered another small smile when he found the courage to give up his hideout. "Listen, I don't know what's going on between you two and it's none of my business. But I can tell that Benji is not yet used to the concept of someone worrying about him more than the average team member." She sighed. "I think he might feel cornered."

Will opened his mouth to protest, but a pointed look from Jane shut him up in advance. He held up his hands in surrender. "Okay, I see your point." Heaving a sigh, he stood and started pacing. "I didn't mean to scare him off. I was just worried sick, you know?"

Jane held out a hand to stop his nervous rant. "I know. And there's nothing wrong with that. The only advice I can give you is to give him some space – and time to get used to your presence in his life that, for the most part, he's been leading all on his own."

Will wouldn't be able to say what had come over him if someone decided to ask him about it later, but he instinctively bend down and pressed a kiss to Jane's forehead. "Thank you," he whispered before leaving her to her task. He had work to do after all.

— † —

"So, this is the plan." _Typical Ethan. _ Their team leader had been in the house for five minutes before he had assembled the team in order to define the course of action for the upcoming mission. Will frowned. The extraction of an IMF agent was always a delicate issue. _Could be IMF's idea of compensation for the easy missions of the last month. _

"Benji listened in to some phone calls of the men who are connected with the abduction. He has used the information to narrow down the possible whereabouts of the hostage to that one building here."

Will leaned forward to have a better look at the map that showed a few corporate buildings in the middle of an industrial park, lined with a high fence. "So, we're going in at the opening party, right?"

Ethan nodded. "Yes. Most of the security guards will be busy at the main building and the front gate, here and here." He pointed to both locations on the map. "Will, Jane and I, we're going to attend the party as guests and complete the extraction as soon as Benji has established control over the servers. By the way, did you manage to figure out their location yet?"

Benji shook his head, his eyes glued to the screen of his laptop. "No. I'm still hacking the blueprints." All of a sudden, his fingers paused over the keyboard and he looked up at Ethan. "How am I going to get in, by the way?"

"The company requested a few extra electricians to be on location, because they don't want any technological hiccups crashing their party." Ethan's grin suggested that he thought to disturb the party in a different kind of fashion. "We'll be able to sneak you in as one of them."

"Right, okay." Benji nodded and went back to typing.

Ethan rubbed his hands together and looked at his team with his eyebrows raised. "So, are there any more questions?" Jane and Will traded glances, an identical expression of amusement on their faces. "No? Okay then. More details will follow once we have the blueprints. Brandt, you're with me. We're going to use a few local contacts to get us tickets for that party. Jane, you're helping Benji with the escape routes."

Benji looked up at the mention of his name with a big question mark showing on his face, but when he spotted only Jane at the table, he didn't ask. It wasn't their first extraction mission after all. "So, Mrs. Pink, where do you wanna start?"

— † —

Will stood in the dark hallway leading to the room he shared with Benji. He had waved Ethan good night minutes ago, but he just couldn't bring himself to cross the last few meters to the door. So he stood in the corridor instead, lost in his thoughts. It had become a habit for them to share a room, ever since their relationship had changed from team members to so much more. He had never before been afraid to enter their room, for fear of endangering the bond they had created and so carefully strengthened over the last few months.

Throughout the tiring business of calling on contacts all day long, he had turned Jane's words over and over in his head and he had come to the conclusion that she was most likely right. He _had _been cornering Benji, had been trying to make him go to the doctor immediately instead of letting him handle the situation on his own. It shouldn't have made him even more insistent when the technician had distanced himself in the face of that overwhelming concern. He should have backed off instead. Will considered banging his head against the wall when the realization hit him.

_I'm such an idiot. _With the need to apologize right then and there, a sudden surge of courage rose in him and he crossed the hallway with a few steps, determined to make amends on the spot. He paused again with his hand on the handle. _Don't be a coward now! _Taking a deep breath, he gently opened the door and peered through the gap.

In the dim light of the street lamps, he was able to spot his boyfriend in an instant. Benji lay sprawled out on his side of the bed, wearing only a comfortable pair of jogging pants, his head resting on top of a closed laptop in standby mode. Will had to suppress a laugh at the sight. He tiptoed into the room and soundlessly closed the door behind him. Shedding his shoes, jeans and shirt, he went to gently pry the laptop from Benji's grip.

The technician shifted and mumbled incoherent things when his warm pillow was removed, but he didn't wake up. For a moment, Will just sat on the edge of the bed, watching him sleep. He shook his head when his emotions went haywire all over again and he could already feel the constant concern take over his mind. So he quickly lay down on the bed, pulling the covers over both him and his lover. As soon as he reached out to pull Benji into his arms, the technician moved forward until he came to rest against the analyst's chest.

"Glad you're here," Benji mumbled against Will's shoulder. In an instant, his breathing evened out again and the analyst wondered if he had even been fully awake. He couldn't stop the stupid grin that threatened to take over his features. Maybe Benji had already forgiven him and he had no need to worry any more.

— † —

Once again, thank you very much for reading! I'm dying to know what you think. ;)


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: _Thank you all for your reviews, I really appreciate it that you're taking the time to tell me what you think. You make my day. :)

— † —

Will had been poring over the guest list of the opening party, looking for potential threats, when a barely concealed yawn drew his focus away from all the exotic names. He looked up from his place on the couch and watched his team mates for a moment. Jane was curled up in an armchair across from him, memorizing the escape routes she and Benji had picked out. The technician sat at the table, checking the programs he would need tomorrow night for any possible sources of glitches. And Ethan – the team leader had received a call an hour ago from an informant and had left to meet with the man. They hadn't heard anything from him ever since. But, as Jane had told him ten minutes ago, there was no need to worry. Ethan could take care of himself.

Will refocused on Benji and watched him work for a few minutes. The technician had waved aside every attempt at apologizing the analyst had made that morning. After the fifth try, Benji had even threatened him with breaking up if he didn't stop. He had assured him that everything was okay and that he understood; that there was no need to dwell in the past and that he was supposed to 'shut up and kiss me right now'.

The analyst smiled at the memory and checked his watch for the umpteenth time since Ethan had left the house and only received a pointed stare from Jane in return. "What? I thought about dinner. Honest!"

Jane shook her head and smiled. "Yeah, right. But I could really warm up to something to eat."

Benji yawned again and stretched his stiff hands. "I think dinner sounds awesome!"

"How about I order some pizza then?" He received two identical nods, so he went to retrieve his phone from their room. He had just ended the call when the front door slammed shut with such force that the whole house seemed to shudder. So Ethan was back – and he didn't carry good news, it seemed. _That can't be good._ Will sighed and went back to the living room.

Five seconds later, their team leader appeared in the doorway – anger, stress and concentration fused together into an expression of determination. Will opened his mouth to ask what had happened, but he didn't get to pose that question.

"The hostage is going to be moved earlier than we thought!" Ethan took a deep breath. "There's only one way we can succeed: We have to do it tonight."

Will stared at him with a deep frown and wild eyes. "Are you mad? We aren't ready yet!" He held up a hand when his team leader tried to protest. "_And!_ And we can't get in without the party!"

Jane stood. "I'll go get ready."

Will couldn't believe it. "You, too?"

Her grim features softened until the eyes meeting his held only gentle resolve. "If we have to do it tonight, we do it tonight. It's not the first time we have to complete a mission earlier than planned."

"The information we already have is enough to successfully perform the extraction." Will could tell that Ethan was already slipping into order mode. And that meant that he couldn't win this fight. "As to our way in, we'll figure that out when we get there."

"Get where?" Benji entered the room, oblivious to the sudden change of pace. "What's going on here?"

Will motioned for the technician to follow him. "I'll explain while we change, okay?"

"Change?" Despite his confusion, Benji followed him down the hall. "Into what?"

"Mission gear. We'll lose the hostage if we don't go in tonight." He didn't turn to look at Benji as he rummaged through his closet, for he didn't need to see his face to imagine the distress the technician would feel at this news.

"What? Tonight? Like, right now?"

The panic in his voice made Will pause and turn around to look at him. "If you think, for whatever reason, that we can't do it tonight, please tell me now, okay?"

Benji seemed torn between actually saying what ran through his mind and getting ready without any protest. In the end, he went for a combination of the two. "No, we can do it tonight. I don't like it, though."

Will sighed and went back to changing. Through the rustling of clothes, he nearly missed Benji's muttered afterthought. "I didn't eat anything since lunch!" The distress was audible even in the near-whisper.

The analyst laughed. "Come on now, you can go without for another two hours, can't you?" He shook his head. _Typical Benji_.

The technician grumbled something in return that Will wasn't able to catch, but went to pack his equipment anyway. _Can't be that bad. _Still, the analyst made a mental note to order a new pizza for his boyfriend once they got home. Right now, there was just no time to waste.

— † —

"Ethan, do you think we could-? That small diner? No?"

It was already the third time in ten minutes that Benji had asked Ethan to pull the van over to the curb so he could get something to eat. And Will could see it in his face that it was getting on their team leader's nerves. Therefore, when Benji opened his mouth to ask for a fourth time, the analyst decided to intervene before a thunderstorm could erupt within the car.

"Benji." He reached out and lay a hand on the technician's shoulder. "Please stop it. We're going to get home as soon as possible and then we're gonna get you something to eat, okay?"

Will frowned when he caught the glare Benji levelled him with in return. He couldn't decipher all the emotions than ran riot in those vivid eyes, but he understood enough to know that he had somehow hurt his lover. _What did I do? _He didn't know whether he should roll his eyes at Benji's childish behaviour or apologize – although he didn't know for what exactly. _Maybe he's just nervous because of the mission. _

"We're almost there." Ethan's voice sounded strained, which was never a good sign. Will almost felt bad for snapping at his team leader because of the change of plans. He wasn't at fault there, after all.

The analyst opened his mouth to say so, but whatever words he had been about to choose where forgotten as soon as Ethan turned the next corner onto the street that lead to the company buildings they were about to infiltrate. Their team leader immediately pulled over and stopped the car, so they could watch the spectacle from a safe distance. Blue and orange lights flickered over the scene of utter chaos that reigned in the street while the sky exploded in a black and red inferno. The main building lay in a heap of flames and ashes while the fire hadn't spread onto the other buildings just yet.

"What the-?" With those two words, Benji expressed what all of them were thinking. Well, all except one.

Ethan turned around in the driver's seat and Will felt slightly irritated by the grin their team leader wore on his face. "That's perfect! Lady Luck is generous tonight, it seems." He gestured towards the several dozens of fire fighters running to and fro between the main gate and their fire trucks. "Jane and I will lure two of them away. Benji and Will, you'll get in wearing their uniforms and once the server room is secured, you will lead us in through one of the back gates."

"Are you serious?" Will mentally thanked Benji for saying out loud what ran through his own mind.

Ethan shot them both a 'Don't you dare argue!' look. "No one will pay heed to you in the middle of this mayhem. Besides, it's the only way."

Benji and Will shared a defeated glance before simultaneously shrugging out of their jackets. _Why do I have a feeling that it won't be that easy? _

— † —

Will couldn't believe it. It had been ridiculously easy to move undetected past the guards who were trying desperately to gain control over the disaster their brand-new work-place had been plunged into. It had been even easier to disappear amidst the chaos that raged around the main building. Protected by the thick smoke that hang in the air like a blanket of darkness, the agents were able to reach the server building without being seen.

Benji rummaged around in his bag. "So, Mr. Blue." He pulled out an expensive looking device and connected it to the door lock. "I'm going to override the security code."

Will regarded the area around them with anxiousness pooling in his stomach. While the smoke prevented them from being seen by the surveillance cameras that sat at every edge of the roof above them, he wouldn't be able to react in time if any of the guards planned on using the door they were currently trying to open without permission.

"Got it."

Benji pushed the door open and motioned for Will to follow him into the hallway that was dimly lit by emergency lights. They had just removed their helmets and taken a deep breath of fresh air when a door to their right suddenly burst open, only to reveal a slightly panic-stricken guard.

"Is the fire spreading?" While the man regarded them with wide eyes, the agents shared a surprised look before Will decided to grasp at the opportunity to take over the building without bloodshed that the entirely-too-young-for-this-kind-of-job guard offered them unknowingly.

"Yes, sir." Will moved forward and raised a hand in greeting. "We're here to make sure that this building is not affected yet. Did you see or hear anything unusual?"

While distracted by trying to think of any abnormal incidents, the guard never saw the fist swinging his way before his whole world tilted into darkness. Will allowed himself a relieved sigh while shaking out his hand. _That went well. _ He turned to tell Benji to help him drag the unconscious man back into the server room he had been guarding, but paused when he caught sight of his team mate. The technician was leaning against the wall, pale as a ghost and breathing heavily.

"Hey, are you all right?" Benji's looked up and Will could see how hard it was for him to focus his eyes on him.

"Yeah, sorry. Must be the smoke." The technician smiled weakly and rubbed his hands together. "Let's take over the reins now, shall we?"

When Benji moved forward and went to pick up the guard, Will instinctively bent down to help him carry the man into the server room. Still, the well-known concern reared its head and he couldn't help but frown – both at Benji's nonchalant change of mood and at himself for instantly switching to worry mode. _Stop it! _ The analyst couldn't help but wince when the guard's head hit the floor hard as they dropped him onto the cold ground. He wondered if the young man even knew what exactly he had been guarding.

"Right. I got this." Benji's voice tore him out of his thoughts. "You go and intercept anyone who approaches the building while I guide Mr. Orange and Mrs. Pink."

"Understood." Will hovered by the door, wondering if he should ask once more about Benji's state of health, but their time was running out and he knew it. He couldn't waste precious minutes with a pointless argument. So he spent two more seconds watching the technician set to work before taking off down the hall without looking back.

— † —

Thank you very much for reading! :) What do you think?


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's Note: _Thank you again for the support! :) This one's a bit shorter than the rest, but I hope you like it nonetheless.

— † —

Ten minutes. He'd been listening to Benji giving and correcting directions for ten minutes now and Ethan and Jane were still on their way to the building where the IMF agent was held hostage. _This is taking far too long_. He'd been able to control the feeling of anxiousness at first, but the longer he stood there, watching the blazing sky and the black and orange shades moving back and forth in the dark of the night, the more restless he grew.

"Second building on fire. That should provide us with a few more minutes."

Will couldn't hold back any more. "A few more minutes? If they don't hurry up, that won't be enough, either!"

"I know!" The technician's voice held pure fury and Will felt himself frown.

"There's no need to get angry." _What the hell is wrong with him? _

Benji laughed a humourless laugh. "You think so? Well, I'm trying to work here and your constant whinging doesn't help one bit!"

Will opened his mouth to voice his irritation, but Ethan beat him to it. "Guys, focus. You can argue later. We're at the destination. Mr. White, open the door, if you'd be so kind."

"Done." Benji's voice was barely audible. "I'm sorry."

"Good." Ethan sighed. "Watch out for guards, we're going in."

And Will was bound to listening once more – to Benji pointing out positions of guards and guiding his team mates, to the sounds of struggling as Ethan and Jane took over the building hall by hall and to the sound of his heart beating in his ears as he stood without being able to intervene.

"Stop." Will put his hand to his ear in order to hear better, for Benji's voice sounded breathless and unsteady, as if he had done the fighting himself. "The hostage is held behind that door. Three more guards. Two at the far end, one behind the door."

"Got it. Be ready for a quick retreat."

Will nodded, although he knew that his team leader couldn't see it. "Affirmative."

The bang of a door hitting the wall sounded through the comm, then gunshots. A few long seconds of silence ticked by. "We got him. He's unconscious."

Will allowed himself a sigh of relief, but he wasn't even able to open his mouth to reply before a chaos of sounds erupted on the other end of the line. Gunshots and curses melted into a heap of noise while the analyst just stood there, holding his breath and waiting for a sign that his team mates were still alive. His prayers seemed to reach whatever deity he had in mind, for as suddenly as the mayhem had started, it ceased again to silence.

"Mr. Orange? What happened?" Will was nearly too afraid to ask.

"More guards we weren't informed of." Ethan's voice held an edge that spoke of trouble for a certain technician that obviously hadn't been paying attention. "Don't worry, no injuries. But what the hell were you doing, Mr. White?" His anger was met with only the quiet humming of the comm. "Mr. White? Do you copy?"

Will felt his blood run cold. He was already through the door and half way down the corridor when Ethan's voice sounded over the comm once more. "Mr. Blue, go get him. Use escape route C. We're going to meet you there."

"Understood."

Will burst through the door, feeling the terrifying feeling of panic take over his senses when he couldn't spot the technician in the server room. _What the hell happened here? _He was about to turn around in order to search for Benji in the adjoining rooms when something that was reflected in one of the monitors caught his eye. Something yellow. Will felt a surge of confusion overrun his worry, but then it hit him. _The uniform!_

The sudden realization propelled him forward and he rounded the computer desk in a tearing hurry. The sight that met him on the other side made him stop dead in his tracks while his brain tried to take in what his eyes were seeing. Benji lay curled up on the floor, the jacket of the fire fighter uniform right next to him, ripped apart. The technician must have tried to get it off as fast as possible. His shirt was dark with sweat and he was trembling uncontrollably.

Finally, Will woke from the shock he'd fallen into. "Benji!" Ignoring the frantic voices of Jane and Ethan in his ear, he jumped forward and checked the technician for any signs of injury, but couldn't find any. However, when he reached for his wrist to feel the pulse, he paused. _What the hell? _Benji had a tight grip on something that looked like a pen, but with a needle at the bottom instead of an ink tip.

Will felt his breath catch in his throat. _What on Earth is that? _"Mrs. Pink? Mr. Orange? Mr. White is unconscious, and I don't know why. He's holding onto something that looks like an injecting pen. Have either of you ever heard of..." He took the pen from Benji's hand. "Glucagon?"

Jane's voice answered him, breathless and desperate like his own. "Yes! Oh my God... That can't be!"

"Jane, what?" Will didn't care that he had used her real name. The longer it took her to recover from the shock that one word had obviously sent through her, the more anxious he grew. "What is it used for?"

"It's a hormone that is used to raise blood glucose levels." Her voice was thick with worry. "But that means..." She interrupted herself when the realization hit her. "You have to inject the pen, right now!"

His fingers shook as he lifted Benji's shirt with one hand and flipped off the cap of the pen with the other. He had never been more grateful for his trained ability to function even when his brain seemed to have shut down minutes ago. It allowed him to watch the needle tear into his lover's skin and simultaneously push the release button, although he felt sick to the bones. He could hear his blood sing in his ears and he nearly missed what Jane said next over the comm.

"Mr. Blue?" Her voice was soft and controlled once more.

Will shook his head to clear his vision from any tears that threatened to fall. "Yes?" He gently picked Benji up from the floor and cradled him against his chest.

"Take him and try to keep him steady on your way out. I'll explain in the car, okay? We're going to a hospital as soon as you're out of there."

Her words sparked a sudden wave of anger. "No, do it now! This charade has been going on for far too long!"

"All right." She hesitated for a few seconds. "It means he suffers from diabetes, Will."

For a moment, he felt unable to react in any way, caught in the hope that it was a joke, meant to make a fool of him. But then the whole reality of that dreaded disease came crashing down on him in the form of things he had read and heard and he forgot how to breathe.

Then came Ethan's voice, an island in the sea of despair. "Focus. He needs to get to a hospital."

Will closed his eyes for a moment, trying to ground himself in the feeling of Benji against his chest, still trembling and still unconscious. _Yes. Focus._ "All right. Give me five minutes."

And then the battle against time truly began.

— † —

As always, thank you very much for reading! There you have it, the moment of truth. Opinions? :)


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's Note: _Hugs and thanks to all of you for staying with me! :) This will be the last chapter, but I've got a short epilogue up my sleeve.

— † —

When Will arrived at the van, neither Ethan nor their fellow IMF agent were anywhere in sight. There was only Jane, waiting for him with a serious expression on her face and an open car door. They didn't speak as she helped him secure Benji in the back of the van before jumping into the driver's seat. The analyst settled in next to the technician, never letting go of his hand, although the cold skin drove shivers of fear down his spine.

"Ethan stole a car and went ahead with Agent McGrath. It's not far."

Will nodded automatically, not really taking in what she told him. He couldn't believe that Benji had been suffering from a disease that should have forced him to change his entire way of life – and none of them had noticed! What kind of agents were they if they didn't even spot a major detail like that in their midst? What kind of boyfriend was he? His analyst brain ran through all the conversations they had lead over the phone over the last few weeks, ever since that appointment. _That appointment!_ A strangled noise of anger escaped him as he wished he were in the position to bang his head against a solid wall.

"Will? We're here."

He didn't even have the time to calm down the storm of thoughts that raged in his head before Jane was out of the van and shouting for help. He could only watch helplessly as paramedics took Benji with them while Jane told them what she knew in words he didn't understand. So he let himself be guided to a seat in the waiting room and sat down without any protest while his mind was still trying to process what had happened in the last two hours. When Jane found him ten minutes later, he hadn't moved at all, slumped forward with his head in his hands.

"Will?"

Jane's cautious voice ripped him out of his thoughts and all of a sudden, a new emotion was added to the mess and he himself wasn't the only one he was angry with any more. He looked up and locked eyes with her, his expression furious.

"He fucking lied to me! What did he think he was doing? Doesn't he trust me?" The last sentence was a mere whisper and he covered his face with his hands, all his anger already spent and leaving only a cold feeling of dread behind. "Oh God..."

"Will." He just shook his head in return. "Will, listen. He must have been scared as hell to lose everything – his job, his team, and _you_." The analyst ran his hands down his face and let his head fall back against the wall, his exhausted eyes closed against the relentless hospital lights.

After a few moments of silence, he sighed. "How can you be so damn calm about this?"

Jane smiled a sad smile, glad that he had calmed down after all. "I've seen it happen before. My brother suffers from diabetes and I remember how devastated our family felt at the news. But it's not the end of the world, not in the 21st century. True, it turned his whole life inside out, but he is able to live with it. And Benji can do that, too, I'm sure."

Will opened his eyes to regard her with a half curious, half disbelieving stare. "What about tonight? He could have died, because he didn't tell us." _Didn't tell me._ He didn't say those words, but he knew that Jane could see it in his eyes.

"The only explanation I can think of is that he underestimated the consequences when he went on the mission without eating anything. He must have thought that he'd make it home before a hypoglycaemia could happen. Well, at least he had the glucagon with him." She smiled again. "It would have been much worse otherwise."

Will shook his head. "But that's exactly what I was talking about. If we had known that-" He froze and sat up straighter when a memory hit him out of the blue.

"What?" Jane frowned. "What is it?"

She jumped, startled, when he shot out of his seat, unable to sit still any longer. "He tried to tell me! In the car, before we went to pick you up. I'm sure he did!" He laughed a desperate laugh. "Ethan interrupted him... Dammit!"

"Will." Jane stood and took him by the shoulders, forcing him to look at her. "What happened, has happened and there's no way you can change that. But you can be there for Benji and ensure that it doesn't happen again."

He nodded reluctantly, catching the undertone that clearly said 'And if you don't, you'll answer to me!'. "You're right. I'm sorry." Raising his hands in surrender, he let himself fall back into his seat.

Now all they could do was wait.

— † —

They spent the next two hours with alternately pacing, getting lost in their own thoughts and talking. Will asked every question about diabetes he could think of and every answer Jane gave him made him realize in a painful way how hard it must have been for Benji to keep this tremendous secret to himself, to what lengths he had gone to let them believe that everything was back to normal after that few days off. A few days the technician had used to modify his entire life in keeping with the new requirements of his own body – up to a point where even the closest thing he had to a family couldn't tell the difference.

At first, Will had been incredibly angry with himself, for not realizing how serious the situation really had been – and how dangerous. But after thinking through the last few weeks, and especially the weeks leading up to that appointment where he was sure Benji had gotten that dreadful diagnosis, he had to admit to himself that he couldn't have reacted any other way. Jane was right. It was no use dwelling in the past and thinking about what could have been. Then and there, Will was only interested in getting Benji back on his own two feet, and nothing else.

He was just mulling over what he would say to his lover once he was allowed to see him when Ethan finally appeared in the doorway, exhausted but in one piece. "There you are."

"Yes, where else?" The quiet amusement in Jane's voice made Will smile despite the situation. "How is Agent McGrath?"

"He'll be fine. No permanent damage." Ethan raised an eyebrow at Will who tried to look like he didn't forget about the agent they had rescued. "I spoke to Benji, too."

Will stood so quickly that he felt dizzy for a moment. "What? How is he? What did he say? What did you say? Is he going to quit?"

His team leader tried not to smile at this onslaught of questions, but failed miserably. "Easy. One thing after the other. One, he'll recover with no permanent damage. But the doctors said that it was a close call. Two, he said that he didn't want to lose his job, so he wouldn't lose us. Three, I told him that he shouldn't worry and that everything would work out nicely if I had a say in this. So four, no, he's not going to quit. I'll see to that."

Will couldn't help himself. He crossed the room with a few quick steps and pulled his team leader into a short hug. "Thank you." He pulled back and took a deep breath. "Can I see him?"

Ethan smiled, without restraints this time. "Yes. Room 514. Go easy on him, will you?"

But the analyst was already out the door.

— † —

Thank you for reading! ;) What say you?

(I hope that this is not met with an evil laugh and a flood of skulls.)

(Never mind. ^^)


	6. Chapter 6

_Author's Note: _So, this is the end. :) Despite all the angst going on, I had lots of fun writing this story and I want to thank all of you who read, reviewed and put up favs and alerts. You make my day!

— † —

When Will reached Benji's hospital room, he paused with a hand on the handle. He didn't know what would happen once he opened that door, but whatever it was, he knew it couldn't wait any longer. Whatever was about to happen, it had to happen now. So he took a deep breath and soundlessly opened the door. However, he wasn't prepared for how much it hurt to see Benji like that.

The technician was still pale as a ghost, almost blending in with the hospital sheets that couldn't conceal the fact that he was hooked up to various machines whose quiet humming was the only sound in the room. His eyes were closed, eyelashes resting against the oxygen mask that covered half of his face. He looked fast asleep, so Will tried to make no sound as he crossed the room. Still, either because he wasn't as quiet as he wanted to be or Benji's agent senses were kicking in, his lover's eyes suddenly flew open and immediately focused on him.

As soon as Benji realized who had entered his room, his face morphed into an expression of intense pain and regret and he had to look away. Will slowly approached the bed and sat on the edge, waiting for Benji to lock eyes with him once more. When the technician continued to look anywhere but him, the analyst reached out and cradled his face in his hands, gently forcing him to meet his eyes.

Will could feel Benji's chest shudder beneath his elbows as the technician desperately tried to reign in his emotions. His eyes were shining with unshed tears and Will could feel his own eyes stinging with tears of helpless regret. They stared at each other for a moment, but Benji couldn't hold his gaze for long and shut his eyes instead, letting the tears fall.

Heaving a deep sigh, Will wiped them away. His trembling hands removed the oxygen mask and he slowly, leisurely pressed a kiss to his lover's mouth, effectively caging in the sobs that threatened to escape. They kissed over and over again until Benji had calmed down, once more breathing easily. Tenderly slipping the oxygen mask back into place, the analyst leaned his forehead against Benji's.

After a few long seconds of laying his own fluttering nerves to rest, he pulled back enough to look his lover in the eye. "You moron!" The edge in his voice melted away with the kiss he pressed to Benji's brow. "Don't do that again. Ever! You hear me?"

Benji nodded, leaning into the kiss. That was all the reassurance Will needed. They didn't speak, but instead revelled in the feeling of being free once again – free of guilt, free of secrets and most of all free of worry. The trust that had been broken could be mended by and by.

When Ethan and Jane found them a few minutes later – Benji curled against Will's chest who held him like he could protect him from the world with that simple embrace alone – they shared a knowing look and silently backed out of the room. Everything was back to how it was supposed to be.

— † —

Thank you very much for reading! :)

I take my hat off to anyone who lives with diabetes mellitus – and especially IDDM – day after day.

Love, RuinNine


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